Caveman screenwriters

Caveman Screenplay
Early screenwriters attempt at a story pitch. It was rejected for not being a tentpole, which was invented later that day.

From Wikipedia: R. Dale Guthrie… hypothesizes that the main themes in the paintings and other artifacts (powerful beasts, risky hunting scenes and the representation of women in the Venus figurines) are the work of adolescent males, who constituted a large part of the human population at the time. 

Dean Snow of Pennsylvania State University has proposed that a proportion of them, including those [handprints] around the spotted horses in Pech Merle, were of female hands.

The anthropologists present a very heteronormative view of creativity. Boys drawing the equivalent of guns, cars, and babes, girls drawing horses and making stencils in the anticipation of paper and dressers being invented so they could decoupage.


Two CAVE BOYS sit around the fire.
CAVE BOY 1: I’m so tired. We hunter-gathered so much today! I want to eat and then attempt to mate. I’m not exactly sure why, but I suspect it might have something to do with passing on my genetic legacy.
CAVE BOY 2: Good options… or, and I know this sounds crazy, but what if we gathered some pigment and drew a story about how we killed a mammoth single-handed and made out with the hottest girls in the tribe.
CAVE BOY 1: But we didn’t, that would be a representation of a life that was much more awesome than the ones we… oh, I get it! Totally in.


Two cave girls paint a horse.
CAVE GIRL 1: This is bullshit! I want to do hunting scenes. Why do I always get stuck with the “female-driven” assignments?
CAVE GIRL 2: Look at those two paint. Their creative aptitude is making them as attractive as a much more talented hunter would be.

CAVE GIRL 1: Dammit, Jennifer, you’re setting back the cause of equality!

Published by Matt Lazarus

WGA screenwriter offering in-depth writing instruction, notes, critique, and assistance.

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